As a superhero with a day job you’ve had to come up with a lot of quick excuses to disappear from the office. They figured it out awhile ago and let it keep happening for the good of the world. Everyone can tell you’re running out of ideas for excuses and they think it’s hilarious. [Link to post.]
“Where ya goin’ Mitch?” Mr. Bellows, the floor manager asked. He interrupted the daily staff meeting to draw attention to Mitch Clarkson as he tried to sneak out of the room. Mitch stood up straight and nodded his head at the door.
“I’m uh… I’ve gotta.. ” He gestured at the door with the frustration of a child unable to use his words to get something he wants. Mitch’s best friend Julio stood up.
“I told Mitch to go get some breakfast tacos. For all of us.”
“TACOS! Yeah, that’s it.” Mitch rushed out the door. Everyone in the staff room waited a full minute before a single giggle from Cheryl signaled the release for everyone. Laughter erupted from everyone sitting around the table.
“He’s gonna bring them too!” Mr. Bellows laughed with a high pitched wheeze. His eyes bulged out of his red face while he doubled over holding his stomach. Within 5 minutes the focus shifted back to work. An hour later Mitch returned with two bags of tacos. He placed them on the table while everyone else giggled.
“Man, I should bring tacos more often. You guys are in a great mood,” Mitch said. After the meeting Mitch visited Julio in his cubicle. “Thanks for your help, man. I’m literally out of excuses now.”
“No problem! Me learning your secret was a good thing, now I can help you out.” Julio smiled at Mitch and offered his hand. Mitch shook hands, and shook his head.
“I’m just glad no one else has figured it out yet,” Mitch said. Julio laughed. Mitch stiffened, he turned to stare out a window.
“I have to go.”
“Go? Go where?” Mr. Bellows happened to be walking nearby and he asked. Julio placed his arm around Mitch.
“Mitch here just volunteered to get lunch for all of us. Pizza party!” Julio threw his arm up in the air, and the rest of the office cheered.
“Alright Mitch, carry on,” Bellows said. “Make sure you get me a thin and crispy.” An hour and a half Mitch returned with several pizzas. He pulled Julio aside again.
“Hey man, I appreciate the help, but tone it down. I have this job for a reason, I’m not exactly swimming in cash.” Mitch whispered.
“Oh, of course. Sorry.” Before Julio could apologize more Mitch stiffened.
“I have to go,” he said.
“I don’t think dessert’s necessary,” Mr. Bellows said as he walked by.
“It’s his grandma, sir.” Julio explained. Mr. Bellows shook his head.
“All four of your grandparents are dead, Mitch. I went to all their funerals myself.”
“Boss, I gotta come clean,” Mitch stepped forward while undoing a button on his shirt.
“That’s why he’s gotta go! Grandma zombie wandering around!” Julio pushed Mitch out the door.
“Oh of course, why didn’t you say so,” Mr. Bellows waved Mitch out the door while Julio pushed him.
“I can’t believe that worked,” Mitch said to Julio. “Thanks!”
“No problem man, we live in a weird world, you know. You’re a super hero, zombies aren’t too far fetched.” Mitch nodded then jumped over the rail down the center of the stairwell. Julio walked back in to the office. His friends were clapping and cheering.
“I can’t believe that worked,” Mr. Bellows said. More laughter poured from the employees until Julio raised his arms.
“Wait guys, wait.” He waited for the laughter to die down. “Time to switch it up.” He reached into his pocket and came out with a handful of pencils. He held them out letting everyone draw one. “Short stick is the new confidant.” Cheryl showed the shortest pencil and the rest of the office clapped.
“Hey guys, maybe we should actually be supporting Captain Energy instead of dicking around with him,” Cheryl said.
“Nah, he’s a cool guy and we’re bonding! He’s a super hero, nothing can go wrong.” Julio said. A young intern rushed into the room.
“Guys, it’s all over the news. They’re saying Captain Energy went rogue. He robbed a pizza store earlier.”