You have discovered the truth – there aren’t 7 billion people on earth. [Link to post.]
“Sir, we have a problem,” Patrick said. He fidgeted as he stood in front of my desk, waiting for me to look over the report he handed me.
“Someone made a mistake, this is impossible.” I crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the wastebin. Patrick shook his head.
“No mistake, Sir. You need to come down.” He flinched as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
“Are you telling me what to do?” I stood from my chair and glowered at him.
“No sir! It’s just, there’s no mistake. We’re currently monitoring the information with *all* satellites, not just our own.” He trembled, but managed to get the words out. He earned a fraction of respect for that. I looked at my watch.
“It’s 9:42 in the a.m. This morning’s report said there were seven billion people plus on Earth. That was at 8:00 a.m. Now you’re telling me that number has halved?” He nodded vigorously, sweat flew off his brow.
“News stations are starting to run stories about people disappearing. We’re flexing our resources where we can, but it won’t be long before the story gets out.”
“Well let’s go see what’s what.” I walked to the corner of my office to my private elevator. “I’ll see you down there.” I said sternly when I noticed he took a step toward my elevator. He stopped suddenly and his face flushed with embarrassment.
“Yes, Sir.” He turned around and walked to the door.
I reached the basement, I-Ops. All the lights and computers were on, but all the stations were empty.
“What the hell?” I said, expecting someone to pop out. No one did. I checked the monitor at Population Control.
“Seven million?!” The number was staggering. In less than two hours the human population had been reduced by 90%. I ran through all the systems, double checking everything I could. No mistakes, and the number continued to shrink while I watched.
“Three million…” I pulled a chair closer and sat down. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew this was the end. I pulled a flask out of my coat pocket and took a burning swig. Patrick walked in.
“Hey, you’re still alive,” I said with a smile. He paused when he saw me smile.
“Sir? Are you okay?” he asked. He took tentative steps towards me. I looked at my watch.
“Yeah, for now. At this rate though, who knows?” I pointed at a number on the monitor. 900 thousand. “Pull up a chair, let’s have a chat while we wait.” Patrick grabbed a chair and rolled it to sit in front of me.
“You have family, Patrick? A wife or girlfriend?” He shook his head.
“No sir. Family’s all dead, before I took this job. And I’ve never had any luck with the ladies.” He stared at the ground. I glanced at the monitor. 700 thousand.
“Good man. In this job we can’t have any extraneous ties.” 300 thousand. “Patrick I’m pretty sure we’re going to die. Soon.” I took another swig. “How’d you like to go out on a high note?”
“Oh man, if you’ve got some herb I’d love some right now,” he said with a genuine smile. He sat up straighter in his chair. I chuckled.
“No, not that. Not allowed on premises. All the info we have flowing through here make it a bad idea. But, how’d you like to be in charge?” 75 thousand.
“No way, really?”
“Sure. For our last few minutes you can be in charge of humanity.” I slipped off my gold ring and stood up in front of him. I placed my left hand his shoulder and handed him the ring.
“Congratulations, Patrick. You now hold the highest office in the Illuminati. You’re the emperor of the human race.” He took the ring while tears streamed down his face.
“Thank you, Sir.” I put my hand up.
“No, Sir. You’re in charge. Sir,” I said. I smiled and sat down in front of him. 100 thousand. I handed him my silver flask and he took a big gulp. I saw him staring at the monitor with tears in his eyes. Ten thousand. I shook my head and spun around in the chair. I turned the monitor off.
“Whatever happens, happens.”