Death of a Conman (3-13-18)


[WP] You answer the knocking at your door only to see Death himself. “It is time.” he says. “For me to move in, I’m your new roommate.” [Link to post.]

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. Death disappeared from in front of me, but I felt a chill run down my spine. I jumped out through the open door when I felt a brittle hand on my shoulder. “AAAAGGH!”

“I’m your new roommate,” Death said. He held his bony hand up and looked at it from the empty eyes of his pale skull. “Sorry, forgot,” he said, without his mouth moving. Red light emanated from within his bones, and enveloped his form. The light grew bright enough to force my eyes shut. I opened them again to see a young pale man wearing a black hoodie and black board shorts. The hood fell backward revealing his light golden blond hair. 

“Hey man, forget the whole “Death” thing. While I’m here you can call me Eddie.” Eddie reached into the front pocket of his hoodie. He pulled out a thick, bulging white envelope, then tossed it to me. “First and Last month’s rent. Haven’t decided how long I’ll be staying, but it’ll be at least two months.” I dropped the envelope to the floor.

“WAIT.” I stepped back into my house. “This is MY house, and I don’t need a roommate.” I stood clear of the doorway and gestured at the clear path for Eddie. “You can’t live in someone’s house without their permission.”  Eddie chuckled and took a step forward to shut the door.

“You can’t live without my permission. So your choices are, A) Die right now, or B) Keep living and get your rent paid for a while. I gave you the whole rent, not just my part.” He grabbed the door handle again. “If you really want me to leave, I will. And I’ll even close the door behind me, because… you know. You won’t be able to.” He made a sound like a cat coughing, closed his light green eyes, cocked his head to his left and stuck his tongue out to the right. “C’mon man! I’m a great roommate. I’ll pitch in for groceries and keep my space clean.” I turned around and grabbed my keyring from the hook, and freed the house key.

“Here. Lock the front door when you leave.” I handed him the key and walked to the couch to lay down. I hoped to look natural for whoever found me. “Leave, now,” I said. If he had caught me on any other day, I might have let him bully me. It didn’t matter that I came out ahead, I refused to let anyone else walk over me like that. I let myself relax on the couch, and covered my eyes with my arm. I hoped it would look like I was napping. I heard the door open.

“Last chance buddy. Let me stay here or take your last breath.” He yelled from the entryway. In a final act of defiance I lifted my arm and flipped him the bird. 

“Are you sure? Are you REALLY sure? It’s death man, that’s bad,” he triple checked. Then, it occurred to me how childish he was behaving. I was still alive. 

“Wait!” I sat up in the couch, then stood up and rushed to him at the door. He grinned at me, but I held my hand out toward him. “Give me the key back.” He put it into my hand.

“So I can stay, right?” I walked around him to open the door, then shoved him out. “Nope. But if you could kill me you’d have done it already. I’m sure even Death has rules to follow,” then shut the door in his face.

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