Ronald stared at the Zof-gathran while he tried to finish waking up. Zof-gathrans looked human for the most part, but the third eye on their foreheads was easy enough to spot. Zof-gathran officers were easier to spot because of the strip of golden cloth covering their third eye. The man’s uniform resembled an elegant white ceremonial gown with golden embellishments woven into it. Zof-gathrans did not have anything resembling a police force until they met humans, they never needed it. Finally Ronald’s mind kicked into gear and he nodded at the stranger.
“I understand the charge. I plead not guilty,” Ronald said. The stranger nodded.
“Thank you for your cooperation.” The man bowed deeply, then turned and walked off Ronald’s front porch. Ronald shook his head and closed the door with a smile. The Zof-gathran legal system was still in its infancy, and Ronald knew he could get away with lying to them. He returned to bed, but grabbed his cell phone instead of trying to go back to sleep. He called one of his contacts.
“A Zofa just came by here, he might head to your place next,” he explained. “Just keep your cool. They’re still dumb enough to trust everyone.” On the other end of the call a voice murmured frantically, but Ronald kept shaking his head. “What? Yeah, of course we’re gonna try again tomorrow. I don’t know how such a stupid species like them developed such advanced technology, but as soon as we assume power our grandchildren’s grandchildren will be set for life,” Ronald smiled into the phone thinking of the riches coming to him. “No I don’t think we need a new plan, we didn’t even get to finish using this one yet.” Ronald sighed into the phone. “Because we don’t have time to make a new plan and get the gang in on it, the Zof-gathran emperor leaves Earth tomorrow. It’ll be fine, okay?” The voice on the other end sounded calm again, and Ronald nodded to himself.
“Yeah. You’re on after Jay and Bluebird take out the guards,” he said. Then he brought his hand up to massage the bridge of his nose.
“Blake is Jay and Johnny is Bluebird. What? No they picked their own codenames, I don’t care what they’re called.” Ronald felt like he was surrounded by idiots. He put a lot of time and effort into his plan, but the only people he trusted enough to help him were almost as dim as the Zof-gathrans. “Fine, I’ll admit that Blake should have been Bluebird, but it doesn’t matter. Once the guards are out of the way you knock out the Empress and I’ll have a chat with the Emperor.” Ronald heard a doorbell on the other end of the line.
“That’s probably them, oh! He’s going to threaten you with the Intergalactic Police, but it’s just a tactic. The Zof-gathrans prefer to handle things on their own. Just stay cool. Okay, yeah. I’ll see you at the coffee shop in the morning so we can try again,” Ronald was ready to hang up, but another question came through the phone.
“Try again to kill the Emperor. Like we did today? God damnit Earl lay off the weed for a while. Now go answer the door and whoever it is just say you didn’t do it.” Ronald ended the call while fantasizing about having all stupid people killed as soon as he was in charge.
“They’re all fucking idiots,” he mumbled to himself as he settled himself in bed. The moment he teetered on the edge of sleep his doorbell rang again, and he threw his covers off in a rage. He grumbled to himself as he walked to the door, but the grumbling stopped the second he opened the door. The same Zof-gathran officer stood on his front porch with Earl, Blake, and Johnny behind him bound by Zof-gathran restraints; they were blindfolded with golden strips of cloth and all their hands were tied together with a single length of white rope.
“Ronald Enriquez you are under arrest by the intergalactic police for treason against Zof-gathra,” the man said.
“I already plead not guilty,” Ronald kept his cool. The Zof-gathran officer nodded.
“Yes you did, and will be noted in your file. However we have a confession that leaves no doubts about your guilt in this matter. Please travel with us voluntarily, I am authorized to use force.” Ronald shook his head.
“Confession? From who, those guys? I’ve never seen them before in my life.” The Zof-gathran smiled, a rare sight for the species. He produced a small purple cube that Ronald recognized as an audio recorder. The stranger touched the top of the cube with a single finger and it began to glow with purple light while it played back the recording.
“Try again to kill the Emperor. Like we did today?” Ronald’s voice came out of the cube, while the Zof-gathran’s smile grew broader. He shook his head.
“You know, we have the technology to travel to any star we want. Intercepting cell phone signals is child’s play. What kind of dumb, stupid, moronic idiot talks about their plan over a cellphone?”