Royal Joke

“Today? Impossible.” Marcus Howzer said. He scoffed at Ms. Sharp from behind his large stone carved desk and shook his head. “This kind of technology needs too much approval to be rolled out in a day.” The white-suited woman sighed stood from her seat.

“I’m disappointed Mr. Howzer. I assumed that you’d have more imagination given how much of the world your corporation has touched,” she shrugged. “My offer was a courtesy, one business-person to another.” A black hole appeared behind Ms. Sharp while she continued to address Marcus. A lanky, pale teenage boy in black jeans and a black shirt stepped out of the portal. A short, dark-haired woman in a black suit stepped out after him. “I give myself approval.”

“Full Saturation, Ms. Sharp,” Melody said. Dana Sharp nodded.

“Start it up, Oren. Contemporary template.”

“You said I’d get to pick!” Ms. Sharp turned her attention to the teen.

“I said you’d get to pick IF he,” she pointed at the panicking man with a phone to his ear. “accepted the deal. He didn’t.” Ms. Sharp’s eyes narrowed at Oren. “Do your job and you’re free to go play with Sonia for the rest of the day. You can go do whatever template you want anywhere else.” Oren sulked but nodded.

“Fine. Gimme the patch notes.” Melody handed Oren a sheet of paper before he finished asking. He read them over, turned the sheet over to check the other side, then he looked up at Ms. Sharp.

“That’s it?” Ms. Sharp gave a stern nod.

“That’s plan B. I wouldn’t know what patches you’d want if you chose the template.”

“HANDS UP! NOBODY MOVE!” None of them noticed the officers until they announced their presence. Five uniforms pointed guns at the three intruders.

“Melody, kill them.” The dark-haired woman’s hands began to glow with blue light, but a wall rose from the ground between Melody and the policemen.

“Full saturation,” Oren said. “They don’t need to be killed.”

“Fine,” Ms. Sharp said. A black hole opened in front of her and she stepped through, followed by Melody. “Feel free to name the server,” Ms. Sharp added on her way out, then the portal closed. Oren sighed and waved a hand at the wall. Five square spaces opened in it, enough to see the policemen’s faces.

“This world is about to change in a big way. Get to your loved ones.” The wall crumbled into white powders that disappeared before it hit the ground. The men looked unsure until Oren sat down in front of Marcus’ desk. “You too.” The big man nodded and hurried out from behind his desk. A red Aura gathered around Oren. His pale skin reflected the neon-red light as he sat still and closed his eyes. In his hands, he held the patch notes.

Oren concentrated on the notes in his mind’s eye until each word on the sheet glowed with the same bright red color. The glowing words lifted off the sheet and floated in front of his face. He opened his grey eyes and brought his hands up on either side of the words. He clapped his hands together and compressed the words into a single, glowing red dot.

“I dub thee, Bozo Server,” Oren said. He touched the glowing red dot with a glowing red finger. The action sent a ripple through reality as each nano learned its job in an instant.

After a moment the same red floating text appeared in front of Oren. This was the official patch that everyone would see.

[Welcome to Bozo Server!]

[Sharp Technologies apologizes for an issue that failed to grant users access to their Menu slates and HUDs. To apologize we are gifting each player:

  • 1 free node
  • 100 million Prime-nanos
  • Character reroll
  • MAX level boost

The Bozo Server is a contemporary template. Humans are the only unlocked race but other races may be individually purchased. Your gift of 100 million Prime-nanos is available to be spent here.

Medic, Bard, Thief, Monk, Merchant, Craftsman, Clown, and Dancer are the only unlocked classes in this template. Other classes may be individually purchased. Your gift of 100 million Prime-nanos is available to be spent here.

NPC jobs are available. If interested please opt-in during character creation.

MAX level boost will unlock all skills of your chosen class. They are a one time gift only. Sharp Technologies will not reimburse you for wasted MAX potions.

Thank you for joining the AlterNet! Please accept our terms and conditions to re-make yourself.]

“Looks good,” Oren nodded and approved the message. A second ripple radiated out through reality. Oren heard a car crash on the street below as he stepped into his portal and disappeared.

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