Zero Hero

You’re a normal villager in a fantasy town and the main hero has just moved in next door after completing his quest. [Link to post.]

“We’re going to take him this tray of pastries, welcome him to the town, and thank him for saving the world. We’re going to be *neighborly*.” My wife’s tone cautioned me against making any more disagreeable comments. Sure, the guy killed an evil sorcerer hell bent on conquering and/or destroying the world; he was never really clear on what his goal was. Yeah he saved the world, but he was just so smug about it. We walked next door and my wife knocked while I held the tray of bread. My wife’s introduction began the moment his blond hair appeared at the door.

“Hi! We’re from next door. We wanted to come by and welcome you to the town.” At this point her elbow encouraged me to step forward to show off the tray sweets.

“Thank you! Please come in.” He opened the door wider, then stood aside. My wife walked in and I followed behind her with the tray.

His home was a lot like ours when we first bought it. Fairly spartan with a bed on one side of large common room. The kitchen and dinner table on the other side, along with a small door leading somewhere.

“First we absolutely have to thank you, you know, for saving the world,” my wife said. I knew she was just being personable, but it still made me smile to see her trying.

“It was easy, besides, I live on this planet too!” he laughed, and my wife giggled along with him. “Besides, I’m the chosen one. The only one that could have defeated Bellamy,” I stood up and my wife squeezed my hand. I turned to her and smiled. It was just coincidence that I stood up when he said that.

“May I use your restroom?” I asked him. He nodded and his thumb pointed over his shoulder at the small door by the kitchen. I took my time in the restroom. I hoped my wife would be satisfied with the short visit.

While I adjusted my tunic I accidentally knocked over a flowerpot from its perch on the window sill. It spilled money onto the floor when it shattered.

“That’s a weird place to keep money,” I mused. I cleaned up the mess and picked up the money, then walked back into the common room. He jumped slightly when I approached, taking a couple of steps back away from my wife. I met her eyes and saw a familiar twinkle. I loved that twinkle, it meant she was going to let loose soon.

“The handsome hero here was just telling me about how Bellamy wasn’t even the strongest sorcerer he’s killed,” my wife said. Handsome? Whatever happened while I was in the restroom, she was over him. We’d be out of here soon, so I took the opportunity to give him the money.

“Hey, sorry. I accidentally knocked over the flowerpot in your restroom. This money fell out, and here’s some extra to replace the flowerpot.” I handed him the money.  He laughed at me.

“What a chicken! You were going to steal from me, but then you heard I beat two powerful wizards and you chicken right out. Alright, I won’t give you a hard time about it this time, beause I’m a good guy. But don’t steal from me again.” He said while he grabbed the money from me. He made a point of looking at me while he counted through it. Twice.

“Wow, projecting much?” I asked with a laugh. My wife smiled at me. “So then who’s the other powerful wizard?” I grabbed my wife’s hand and tried moving toward the door. She refused to move with me.

“Bellamy’s teacher, Ballisea. I took her out years ago, I didn’t know she had an understudy. So, now I’ve saved the world twice!” he said.

“Oh.” That was all I could say.  “C’mon love, let’s leave him to his pastries.” I pulled at my wife’s hand again, and she still refused to move. I gave up. “Alright, well I’m going to head home, catch up when you’ve had your fun,” I said. I kissed her on the forehead and she winked at me.

“Oh, hey. An understanding husband! That’s what I like to see,” the hero said. He stepped closer to my wife and put his arm around her. “She’ll have lots of fun, I promise.” I nodded at him and walked to the door.

“Oh wow, I’m sorry. I never realized how rude we were being, we didn’t even introduce ourselves. I’m Allister, used to be an adventurer like you until I met my wife. Ballisea.” His head whipped around to her and she smiled at him.

“But Ballisea is dead!” He said, panicked. He ran towards his gear, but never reached it. A brittle bone hand reached out of a black hole on the floor and grabbed his ankle to trip him.

“She was dead until you grabbed her ass, then completely disrespected the love of her life. Go on home, dear. I’ll catch up.”

“Finally!” I said. Happy to go home, I opened the door. I turned to give one final message before I left.  Two skeletons were holding the hero down execution style.

“Don’t forget to get my money back.”


[WP] You are determined to propose to your partner for 3 years. Nothing can stop you. Well, maybe one thing… [Link to post.]

Allister woke before dawn and got dressed for the day. He went over a scribbled list several times to make sure everything was perfect, then went to start breakfast as the first orange light of the day poured in through his window. 

“Today,” he said to himself with a smile. He cracked open two eggs, but a knock at the door distracted him before he put them over the fire. Allister sighed, left the eggs, then answered the door. 

“Allister? The King requests your presence.” An elegantly dressed man wearing a purple tunic and velvety beret addressed him the moment he opened the door. Allister shook his head.

“Not today.” He moved to close the door, but the messenger placed his foot in the way. Two armed guards loudly approached with weapons drawn. They stood behind the messenger. 

“The King insists. The kingdom is in danger,” The messenger said.

“So send those guys, they’re ready for a fight,” Allister pointed at the guards. The messenger chuckled.

“They’re just here for show, we both know they can’t subdue you. Look, my life is on the line here if I don’t come back with you. That’s it, just show up and I get to live. You can tell the King yourself, if  you’re not interested.” Allister sighed, he knew it wasn’t a bluff. The king did have a short temper when things didn’t go his way. He nodded at the messenger. 

“Let me get my gear,” he said. The trip was half an hour by wagon, then the guards escorted Allister into the King’s throne room. The King sat on an ornate throne of gold and silver. He ruled alone, with Queen or throne next to him. Allister approached the throne, and gave his own form of respect to the king by giving him a slight nod. 

“Kneel before the King!” One of the guards shoved Allister forward. Allister stumbled forward but remained on his feet. He turned to face the guard.

“Don’t kill him, he’s new!” The King shouted. He dismissed the guard with a wave of his hand. The guard quickly retreated from the throne room. Allister turned back to face the King.

“Your Highness summoned me?” Allister said. The king nodded, his golden crown wobbled forward and back on his head as he did. 

“Allister, the kingdom needs your help. Of course, you shall be greatly rewarded if you rid us of this menace.” Allister considered the reward, it would definitely make life easier after she said yes. If she said yes.

“Does it have to be today?” Allister asked. 

“Of course! Ballisea‘s been spotted in the forest.”

“Ballisea? She hasn’t made a move in years,” Allister asked. If someone spotted Ballisea he knew he would have to accept the King’s request. He glanced out the window, the morning sun was still rising to its perch in the sky. “I can make this short. I will propose to her today,” he reaffirmed himself. 

“Yes, and I expect it to stay that way. Put that sorcerous witch down for good, and you shall inherit the kingdom from me,” the King said. Allister chuckled at the thought.

“I’ll do it, your Highness. For the Kingdom, of course. I’ll need access to your armory,” Allister said. The King nodded and waved his hand dismissively. 

“Of course, take anything you need. Godspeed.” Allister nodded then left the throne room. He departed toward the forest as the sun reached its apex. He took a single horse and a single backpack full of supplies. None of the guards volunteered to ride with him, but he did not find that surprising. While he rode he kept reminding himself of his goal. 

I will propose to her todayI need to know her feelingsNothing will stop me.” He reached the outskirts of the forest a couple of hours later. He left his horse tied to a tree, grabbed his supplies and headed towards the area someone saw the witch. He remained on his guard, though the forest felt like a second home to him. He moved with purpose toward a fresh pool he knew of. If Ballisea was seen in the forest, he guessed she would be near the small lake. 

He reached the lake clearing in time to see Ballisea stepping out of the water and drying herself off. He admired her naked form, mostly hidden by long straight black hair that reached the back of her knees. He only watched for a second before hiding behind a tree trunk in order to let her continue dressing in private. He did not feel comfortable making his move against a naked woman. 

“I know you’re there.” Ballisea’s soft voice entered his mind. Enchantment was her magic of choice; her voice seemed coated in warm, welcoming sunlight as it echoed through his brain. He reached to his pack while he steeled his will. This was not the first time Allister felt her gentle magic touch tickling his brain, but his inner strength protected him from her enchantment before and would again. 

TodayI will not fail her.” He took several deep breaths while focusing on his goal. He looked up at the sky, the sun rested on the tips of the treetops. “I can do this.” 

“What’s wrong? You’re not afraid of me, are you?” Ballisea’s voice whispered a trail of tingles down the back of Allister’s neck. “I’m waiting for you, ….. Allister.” The sound of her calling his name drove him to action. He stood straight up, then marched out from behind the tree toward the clearing. 

Nothing can stop meI’m prepared for anything.” He clenched the item in his hand. He noticed Ballisea was still naked, though her long black hair covered her front to give her a sense of decency. She smiled at him as only an enchantress could.

I will propose todayNothing will stop me.” He walked to Ballisea without saying a word. His coffee brown eyes locked on to her translucent violet eyes. 

“The King has sent me to kill you,” Allister said. He projected as much confidence and authority as he could manage. Allister knew Ballisea was weak without her enchanting tricks. He stood firm, his knuckles clenched white. Ballisea chuckled then looked around the forest.

“He sent you all alone?” she asked. She took a single step forward. “Your King is an idiot.” She took another step. 

“Stop!” Allister yelled. His hands began to tremble. “Today,” he reminded himself.  Ballisea shook her head and closed the distance between them. 

“You’re not going to kill me, Allister.”  Her lips moved, but her voice sounded like it came from inside his head. “And I’ll tell you why.” Allister felt butterflies in his stomach. His nerves threatened to turn him into a coward, but he stood his ground. Ballisea knelt infront of him, their eyes still locked.

NoNothing can stop me today.” he tried to strengthen his resolve. 

“Because,” Ballisea whispered. “I want you as my husband. Will you marry me, Allister?” The corners of her lips pulled upward into a coy smile. 

Nothing…. except that.” Allister sighed. 

“Damnit Balli! I was gonna ask you first!” He opened his palm and showed her the golden ring he took from the King’s treasury. 

“Well too bad. I asked first.” Ballisea pulled him down to the ground with her and they kissed.

Flutter Bye

“This’ll be easy.” I pulled my wife’s bony hand to my lips and kissed it. “You’ll be flesh again
by morning.” I felt the needles of her finger bones caress my cheek; and, she stared at me
with black, empty eye holes. In my mind I still saw them as the same pools of liquid gold that
I fell in love with when we met.

“Congratulations. As trivial as the journey here was, I’ve no doubts of your success,” Monk
said. He placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.

Our success. You two can keep the king’s reward, my wife just wants to kill him.” I said and
turned my focus back toward the entrance to the Demon King’s lair.

“Me first,” Flutter said. The redheaded, mountainous woman walked forward, ahead of us.
The few times I did see her fight were amazing. She was savage, and almost unstoppable.
When she and Monk worked together they were a force of nature. And yet, I knew Flutter
felt disappointed she’d seen such little action on the journey here. My wife’s magic was
powerful enough to deal with any threats we faced. Flutter begged us to let her fight the
few times that she did. Monk followed her forward, then my wife and I followed him. We
entered through the entrance carved into the mountainside, then followed the long stone
hallway. The path did not branch off. No patrols guarded the single, straight corridor.

“I guess there’s no guards. Remember, I get to go first,” Flutter said. In the distance we saw
another arched opening. The room beyond seemed to be glowing with orange light. We
entered the room and the Demon King smiled at us from his tall stone throne. He wore long
red and yellow robes. A pair of black ram horns curled out of the top of his head.

“Ah! I thought I heard guests!” He stood from his throne and stepped toward us. “Come to
beg for something?”

“I’m here to kill you.” Flutter stepped forward holding her sword. During the journey she told
me it was a special blade meant to kill magic users. She did not need any weapons when
fighting ordinary men.

“Oh.” The Demon King snapped his fingers and Flutter burst into flames. “Does that go for
the rest of you too, or do you just want to start begging for your lives now?”  Monk burst into
laughter, and I joined him. Then, Flutter’s voice could be heard laughing too.

“This is gonna be fun!” Flutter yelled and charged at the Demon King. He stepped back with
a look of surprise on his face. As Flutter ran, the flames enveloping her died away. Her
clothes had burned away completely and I admired her naked, scaley form. I remembered
being surprised the first time I met her. She said she didn’t need armor, and I soon found
out why. Flutter was part dragon. She could scale her body at will, and dragon scales are
impenetrable by all weapons and most magic. Monk insisted that she wear no armor, in the
event that she needed healing. He could not heal her through armor and her scales.

Flutter swung at the wizard, but he managed to dodge. He kept trying different spells.
Lightning did nothing to slow her down. A concentrated jet of water shot from the Demon
King’s palm, I noticed the tattoo of the number 2 glowing brightly on his hand. The water
only annoyed her as she kept charging at him, swinging the glowing blade wildly. Monk, my
wife and I stayed back and enjoyed the show.

“He probably wishes he had some guards right about now,” I said. My wife’s teeth clacked
together as she attempted to laugh. Monk chuckled too.

It was only a matter of time. The Demon King seemed to exhaust his magic, then finally
Flutter cleaved through his shoulder. I felt my wife’s brittle fingers squeeze my hand tighter.
The Demon King’s corpse fell to the floor and my wife began walking toward it. A golden,
smokey mist began to billow upward from his body. For a brief second the smoke took the
shape of a devil’s head. Instead of continuing to flow upward it wafted into Flutter’s nostrils
and mouth.

“Oh no,” I said. My wife picked up speed and shambled toward Flutter and the Demon King’s
corpse as fast as she could. I saw Monk take a step forward and I placed a hand on his
shoulder to stop him.

“What’s happening?” He turned to me with panic on his face. I stared at the black cobblestone
on the floor and shook my head.

“I’m sorry, friend. We didn’t know Flutter was a Unique too. My wife is not about to miss her
opportunity. Flutter absorbed the Demon King’s soul, so now my wife has to absorb hers.”

“She can try!” Monk yelled and ran towards Flutter. Small black holes in space opened up
around Flutter and skeleton hands reached through each of them to hold Flutter still. She
tried to wrestle herself free while my wife walked toward her.

“Ballisea! STOP!” Monk ran up behind her. I yanked an invisible chain and pulled him back
before he could touch her. I placed the spell on him when I touched his shoulder, and now
had him back at my feet.

“You can’t stop her. Run away and live. She doesn’t care about you, but she’ll kill you if you
get in her way.”

“FLUTTER!” Monk yelled as he scrambled to his feet again. A skeleton wrestled Flutter’s
sword from her grip then presented it to my wife. I pulled Monk back to the floor again.

“I’m sorry,” I said to him. My wife plunged the magical sword through Flutter’s neck, golden
blood poured out of it. My wife pushed harder and separated the red haired head from
Flutter’s body. The skeletal hands let the corpse and head drop, then they retreated through
their holes. The black holes disappeared as golden smoke began to rise from Flutter’s body.
It took the shape of a skull before it enveloped my wife. Monk sobbed at my feet.

My wife turned to face my direction and walked toward me. I stepped over Monk to meet her.
Each step she took added more flesh to her body. Finally we were face to face, and I stared
into her beautiful golden eyes. She took another step into my arms and I felt her stomach
press against me. She noticed it too.

The solid stone walls, carved into the heart of the mountain, shook from the force of her anger.
I glanced backward and was pleased to see Monk had finally fled. I knew she was angry
enough to slaughter him.

Despite purging her flesh, my wife Ballisea was still pregnant with the Demon King’s child.